Booming Banter

Yesterday we both got into big trouble on the way home from the park. We were nearing Auntie Denise’s house when this giant bird took to flight.

Jaws decided she’d chase it and to be honest so did I. So we both took off and ran at full speed through several neighbors yards. Ma had to stop the traffic in case we got killed.

When we eventually came back and Denise and Ma got hold of us they were too flustered to scold us.

It was the fastest run I’ve ever had in my entire life. So exhilarating sure got the heart racing.

Maybe I won’t kill Jaws this weekend after all. She can be fun to fool around with at times!

Blessing#1812-Sprinters

Precious Peeps it’s Pits Perfect and I’m all set for a LONG and very DELICIOUS a weekend.

Granny was thinking about taking all of us away for a few days to a resort in West Virginia but then I shredded another pillow and she changed her mind. Said I couldn’t be trusted and that we’d stay home and have monster steaks instead.

Sounded like a fair deal to me and Dad.

The old stinker huffed. Said I spoiled his vacation opportunities and possibilities to roam in glades and forests.

Little does he know what Dad and I have planned for our midnight feasts.

Blessing#1811-Holiday Hopes

The big moon crept around the side of our house at 5:00 this morning and lit us up.

I decided that, even though it’s trash day and we have to get busy when we get up that it was too early to rise.

So the surest way to get Ma back to the land of nod is to give her a snuggle.

It was conveniently cold so I enjoyed having a hug.

In this world a doze is one of those timeless delights that I’m confident exists over the rainbow. Clean sets you up for the day!

Blessing#1810- Heavenly Happenings

Ma an me always have some me time on Monday and Tuesday afternoon.

We usually don’t close the blinds but since the painter was busy outside we didn’t want him to see us snoozing. He might think we are lazy.

Usually Ma tells me her little troubles and I listen until they become so boring I nod off.

Yesterday I enjoyed my sleep so much as it was dark like night.

It’s such a treat and beats guard duty with Dad especially if he bans barking!

I’m a one woman dog.

I’m so glad the THING is naughty as I’ve got no competition. No chance of Ma defecting!

Blessing#1809-Singularity.

Ma is not a fan of Monday. It’s better now that she doesn’t go to work till Wednesday but still on Monday things have a habit of rubbing her up the wrong way.

This morning when we went out for my first leak we saw something on the floor where the bro parks his wagon.

She sent him a text

He replied.

So did she! End of that discussion!!!

Next up she releases the TIME BOMB and put ITS leash on before getting ITS brekkie.

THE THING always jumps up when IT sees the bowl coming this time IT hit it and there was an avalanche of kibble.

The living VACUUM got to work but so did I. The THINGS grub has gluten and it’s yummy. Ma told Auntie Denise she’d never seen me eat as fast. Denise diagnosed wisdom as the explanation since I knew if I didn’t get in there it would be gobbled up by DISON DOG.

Next up we had the painters arrive to do our outside wood work which is dodgy. Both JAWS and I got to barking at them and we wouldn’t quit so we were locked up in separate rooms and Ma took her frustration with the day out on the carpet which was even more dodgy than the paintwork.

So that’s our Monday.

Blessing#1808-Spills and Skills.

I kid you not I thought Dad was going to have a seizure yesterday.

See THE THING had picked up a tennis ball on the road and had carried it all the way to the park and back.

When Ma got us home she went for a shower and immediately IT started shredding and Dad started screaming and soon the tennis ball was toast.

IT then crept off upstairs to seek refuge with the Bro who was still sleeping after a late night.

The parents then left for church and groceries and I was in charge.

Well here’s what JAWS DID NEXT.

While the Bro continued to snore she snuck downstairs and started shredding again. This time she demolished one of the new cushions on the sofa.

Fortunately it was overstuffed so it kept her going for a good hour and clean wore her out but the mess was unbelievable.

When the ancients returned Dad went stir crazy. The Bro did not sleep much longer.

The THING hung her head in shame. Will she ever be forgiven? Is this the final?

Blessing#1807-Confession

The town where Ma has the tearoom is a real microcosm of the USA.

There are very rich people who drive through town towing their boats that are as big as a truck. They’re heading up to the Great Lakes for a spin on the surf.

The gas price to fill this would cost almost as much as some houses that on the market in the very same place.

The good news is many people are at working making transformations.

Take the old house next to the tearoom that Ma had her eye on four year ago. A group of young men bought it last December and they have worked tirelessly to make it beautiful.

They sure helped Ma! They raised the property value of her place substantially.

As President I want to help others do the same for a rising tide lifts all the boats!

Blessing#1806-Up and Up

Precious Peeps it’s Pits Perfect.

I had such a cool day yesterday. FRIDAY is always the best day of the week don’t you think?

I have an extra special reason to love it because it’s my Dad’s day off.

We get to have me time together away from the stinking Gizz who gets so much attention from the Grands.

Yesterday Granny was in a stinker of a mood because she broke her glasses.

She had to resort to wearing her old ones from five years ago until she got the good ones stuck back together.

She is like me though she always tries to find a silver lining and this one is that because she couldn’t see good she discovered that you can adjust fonts on your phone.

So now she’s got big text that you can read from fifty feet. Look out for less spelling mistakes in my memos!

The Gizz is threatening to give me lessons in reading and writing but I intend to stick to the culinary arts. So much more delicious!

Blessing#1805-Bigger and Better

I got very positive feedback on my plans to invest in education so I’m developing it further as a means to differentiate myself from the current field.

Many people I hear would appreciate an incentive focused on volunteering at schools.

Now it would be foolish to overpromise like most politicians do so I’ll start small.

Give up to three hours a week of your time in any shape or form at an educational establishment and get a tax deduction equivalent to what you’d earn at your place of work!

Reading, math, music, language skills and of course athletic activities should all benefit not to mention the impact their might be on grounds and maintenance of buildings.

What could go wrong! I’m on to a winner.

Blessing#1804-Traction

Precious Peeps it’s Pits with some Philosophy for you my dears Passionistas!!!! I made that word up to make the Gizz mad as a hatter.

If you hate anyone as much as I hate the Gizz chances are you may not make it through the pearly gates. You better like it HOT like Marilyn and me!

To calm your nerves and get to meet Pete get a Nyla or the equivalent. Avoid stress eating or you’ll get chunky like granny.

Nylas are awesome. They are calorie free and long lasting. If they get too smelly soak them in bleach for a few hours and then rinse them well.

Food poisoning is always helpful for weight control should you forget this sanitizing tip.

If you don’t fancy this option try sticking pins in a doll instead.

Under all circumstances avoid murdering any wretched beings you encounter or you could be sent to the pound!

Blessing1803-Therapy Session.