Booming Banter

Ma can get mad.

You’d think to see her that she’s just a sweet old lady but she ain’t. Take this epic tale she told us yesterday evening about one of her tantrums.

On her way home from the prison she went to Walmart to buy vitamins, melatonin and donuts. Now that is a bit of a mind blower in itself.

She thought she’d struck gold when she happened on Dad’s melatonin marked clearance $5.

When she rang it up it was $9.98.

So back she goes to the area and the person on the floor tells her that she has to go and tell a cashier about the discrepancy so off she goes to do that.

The cashier tells her he can’t help as it’s pharmacy and she needs to go to the pharmacist.

So she does that.

The pharmacist assistant says she can’t do anything about it but Ma by then is getting hot under the collar and says she would like her to take a look at the display.

The pharmacist says she will handle it and goes to with Ma to look at the display.

The pharmacist agrees that it is very deceptive to the customer to have a huge sign saying $5 when it’s really twice the price so Ma has her remove the sign.

Fortunately the pharmacist was the size of a giraffe so she could get it off.

Ma had a judge Judy moment and felt she has thwarted a giant.

She also walked about five miles in the process that is better than any multivit!!!

Blessing#2432-Taking Staps

What a start to the day.

Ma was carrying the overflowing recycling rubbish bin from the kitchen to the garage to dump it in the big recycling bin when what should happen but the carton at the top fell out and when she bent to get it out popped a wine bottle and smashed all over the floor where her car was parked.

So of course she had to sweep it all up lest our tootsies or her new tires get injured.

While she was so doing her porridge was in the microwave and boiled over so she had to clean that up too.

I told her “Ma you should have listened to me and stayed in bed”

Now she is wondering what the rest of the day may hold.

I reassured her that they launch great ships by tossing champagne at them so she’ll be OK in ARETHA even if that was an empty she was hit with.

Blessing#2431-Smashing Start

Precious Peeps it’s PITS your perfect princess here to propel you at great speed into a stupendous weekend.

I trust you have plans that are a tad more exciting than mine.

Will you walk on a beach or sip cocktails by a pool or maybe even have a little sail around a bay somewhere?

Those are the things I dream of and know someday soon I’ll meet my frog and when I smack him a great big one on the lips we will be transported to paradise.

In the meantime there is nothing else for it but to chase the stinking Gizz around the dining table until we collapse and chew on a Nyla.

It could be worse. I could be Granny whose greatest excitement in the days to come will be selecting sinks.

Be like me remain ever hopeful of the promise another day brings.

Blessing#2430-Joy in the Morning

At last it has warmed up! Summer is here!!!

The niece gets nuked easily in the heat so we have to set off early.

I can’t wait till we’re able to plunge in our pool. For now it’s still ducks only!!!

Ma says every time she goes to the new ranch things look worse than ever.

Still she is in a good mood as she knows that before every rainbow there has to be a storm.

I’m just hoping that we don’t have to wait too much longer to jump in.

Ma says as soon as the deck is done we can all go and play.

So please pray for good weather so that step in the project is completed!!

Blessing#2429-Sunglasses Out

Precious Peeps it’s me your very own Perfect Pitty Pal to help you over the humpty.

I’m also providing artistic direction for Granny as she takes decisions on the decor of the new ranch.

We have reached a critical phase for humans.

We have to choose the toilets.

My feeling is that this should be in keeping with the mid century modern era since that’s when the shack was built.

Granny and Auntie Marsha have conversed and concluded that my recommendation may be too radical for the family of today.

Personally I think they are PITTY Perfect just like my own little self.

Comments please.

Talk Friday.

Blessing#2428-Retro

So we hope you watched The Nightly News with TOM LLAMAS!

Ma was so anxious that he would do a good job. She was so scared that he’d make a slip. You know she adopts these lads as her own.

Tom had been on the TODAY program this morning with her fav Craig.

Seems the two are big pals so she feels better that Tom got the big job and not her sweetie Craig who seemed genuinely happy for his chum.

The whole nightly news production was AWESOME. It was so fresh and bright and so sharp and so red white and very blue!!!

The big mug on the table was a bit breakfasty though they could loose that.

Tom was absolutely spot on. Not a single slip.

Ma wad so relieved.

Blessing#2427-A+ Anchor

So you recall what I was saying about the big guy nuking Ma well I was right.

She’d just arrived in the kitchen of the tearoom when it happened.

Now to set the scene this kitchen is the size of a good tablecloth. A three welled sink is a measure of its full length and it’s about six feet wide.

So Ma has a place for everything and everything must be in place.

So as she was unpacking her wares she turned abruptly as she was in a hurry and that’s when it happened.

She did her back in. Now she wasn’t lifting weights or stretching or bending she just turned and it went.

Of course she had to continue as parties were planned.

So see y’all be careful about being too smart for your own britches or the big boy will sap you too.

P.S. she is still walking to one side like a ninety year old so I am providing therapy!!!

Blessing#2426-Tiger Balm

When business is good you can’t wait to Monday to bake.

Ma has been cooking up a storm this week.

We were sconing on Thursday evening and yesterday morning we were up at 6:30 to fill the oven with shortbread.

Now I am not complaining because you know that the niece and Dad and me are always called upon for quality control.

I am happy to report that all was approved.

What would she do if we rejected the production?

Maybe I need to rethink this niceness!!

Blessing#2425-Sweet Starts

Last night was Lester Holt’s last on THE NIGHTLY NEWS!

We had to watch of course to look for the tears in his eyes as he signed off.

Ma was looking super smug for as you know she and I quite rightly identified his successor many moons ago. Like four years ago not days dear peeps if you check bank on BANTER.

It will as we predicted be the super young and sexy Tom Llamas.

I’m always a bit scared when Ma has that knowing “I told you so” look on her face because I fear the big guy up stairs may nuke her for being such a smart ass.

I’ll be looking for tripping hazard as we trot.

Blessing#2424-Crystal Ball

Precious Peeps it’s THE Perfect one here to project you into a fabulously wonderful weekend.

It may be wet and freezing and you might think that it’s still March but fear not the drooling weather will come soon.

It’s just a matter of being a Patient Pitty.

This is what I tell myself every time something doesn’t go quite to plan.

For one clothed in black vestments like me the heat is also not the most agreeable condition.

So it can take its time to warm up but enough of this rain please.

Hope where you are the sun is shining.

If not just read this again and be grateful you have one so precious and precocious as me in your circle.

Blessing#2423-Watching and Waiting