Author: boomingbanter

I kid you not I thought Dad was going to have a seizure yesterday.

See THE THING had picked up a tennis ball on the road and had carried it all the way to the park and back.

When Ma got us home she went for a shower and immediately IT started shredding and Dad started screaming and soon the tennis ball was toast.

IT then crept off upstairs to seek refuge with the Bro who was still sleeping after a late night.

The parents then left for church and groceries and I was in charge.

Well here’s what JAWS DID NEXT.

While the Bro continued to snore she snuck downstairs and started shredding again. This time she demolished one of the new cushions on the sofa.

Fortunately it was overstuffed so it kept her going for a good hour and clean wore her out but the mess was unbelievable.

When the ancients returned Dad went stir crazy. The Bro did not sleep much longer.

The THING hung her head in shame. Will she ever be forgiven? Is this the final?

Blessing#1807-Confession

The town where Ma has the tearoom is a real microcosm of the USA.

There are very rich people who drive through town towing their boats that are as big as a truck. They’re heading up to the Great Lakes for a spin on the surf.

The gas price to fill this would cost almost as much as some houses that on the market in the very same place.

The good news is many people are at working making transformations.

Take the old house next to the tearoom that Ma had her eye on four year ago. A group of young men bought it last December and they have worked tirelessly to make it beautiful.

They sure helped Ma! They raised the property value of her place substantially.

As President I want to help others do the same for a rising tide lifts all the boats!

Blessing#1806-Up and Up

Precious Peeps it’s Pits Perfect.

I had such a cool day yesterday. FRIDAY is always the best day of the week don’t you think?

I have an extra special reason to love it because it’s my Dad’s day off.

We get to have me time together away from the stinking Gizz who gets so much attention from the Grands.

Yesterday Granny was in a stinker of a mood because she broke her glasses.

She had to resort to wearing her old ones from five years ago until she got the good ones stuck back together.

She is like me though she always tries to find a silver lining and this one is that because she couldn’t see good she discovered that you can adjust fonts on your phone.

So now she’s got big text that you can read from fifty feet. Look out for less spelling mistakes in my memos!

The Gizz is threatening to give me lessons in reading and writing but I intend to stick to the culinary arts. So much more delicious!

Blessing#1805-Bigger and Better

I got very positive feedback on my plans to invest in education so I’m developing it further as a means to differentiate myself from the current field.

Many people I hear would appreciate an incentive focused on volunteering at schools.

Now it would be foolish to overpromise like most politicians do so I’ll start small.

Give up to three hours a week of your time in any shape or form at an educational establishment and get a tax deduction equivalent to what you’d earn at your place of work!

Reading, math, music, language skills and of course athletic activities should all benefit not to mention the impact their might be on grounds and maintenance of buildings.

What could go wrong! I’m on to a winner.

Blessing#1804-Traction

Precious Peeps it’s Pits with some Philosophy for you my dears Passionistas!!!! I made that word up to make the Gizz mad as a hatter.

If you hate anyone as much as I hate the Gizz chances are you may not make it through the pearly gates. You better like it HOT like Marilyn and me!

To calm your nerves and get to meet Pete get a Nyla or the equivalent. Avoid stress eating or you’ll get chunky like granny.

Nylas are awesome. They are calorie free and long lasting. If they get too smelly soak them in bleach for a few hours and then rinse them well.

Food poisoning is always helpful for weight control should you forget this sanitizing tip.

If you don’t fancy this option try sticking pins in a doll instead.

Under all circumstances avoid murdering any wretched beings you encounter or you could be sent to the pound!

Blessing1803-Therapy Session.

It’s back to school time and this is a good occasion to underline why I intend to focus phenomenal funds on education.

I can only say that the old 3R principals of reading and writing and arithmetic must be given renewed emphasis.

When I see what is going on around me it makes me shudder.

It is enough to make me faint.

Let us raise the bar on back to basics and the salaries of our educators too!!!

Blessing#1802-Teachers

Precious Peeps it’s Pits Perfect!

I got into a little hot water with Granny yesterday.

See Dad had stripped his bed and done his laundry but got hung up on other things and forgot to make it so we were coverless on Sunday night. It was stinking hot so we didn’t need them anyway.

So when he left for work bright and early Monday morning I decided to have a little fun shredding.

When Granny came to get me for brekkie and our walk she was not best pleased.

Further, when she had to remove some of the materials I had ingested that got stuck in my butt she was fuming.

Auntie Denise took my side and said her dogs did worse in the past.

Still Granny huffed for a while and put her beloved Grumpy Gizzard on guard duty to make sure I didn’t go back upstairs to eat any other items of bedding or furniture.

I was contrite and she eventually came around and let me clean the kitchen floor which is always the yummiest assignment!I’m perfectly designed for this just like a swifter!

Blessing#1801-Licker Upper

I am accustomed to watching a Netflix movie on Sunday if there is nothing new on PBS. There are only so many repeats of All Creatures Great and Small that a dog can take.

So I was not surprised when Ma fell on The Popes Exorcist and made us all settle down and watch. The bro pretended he wasn’t that interested or scared but he was. I tried to distract him!

I take it all with a pinch of salt or a sprinkle of holy water.

Worse was to come though.

Once the movie was over we had to endure The Real Story.

Now I’m a fan of Anderson Cooper he’s a good guy and has dogs but I am sick to the back teeth of listening about the front runner for the Republican nomination.

It’s worse than any horror movie.

Be in prayer that the new season of All Creatures starts next week! In the meantime I’ll keep doing the air cycling.

Blessing#1800-Distractions

Precious Peeps It’s Pits Perfect here to make your Sunday swing.

For want of something better to discuss I thought I’d support the squirrel and focus on food since it’s my passion.

I’m always looking for ideas for Granny to work on for the tearoom.

She’d be sure to fluff these up so we’d all get lots of practice pieces as snacks.

She’d also probably drop a lot of lickables on the floor.

So if you frequent her parlor please post that you have had enough of sconce and shortbread and want a ladybird or a shoes to chew on instead.

Right up my street those yum yums!!!!

Blessing#1799-Pipe Dreams

It’s a pity Rodin is dead because at some point in the near future I’m going to need a great sculptor.

As presidents can only run for two terms, at least that the current law, I’m going to start looking around already. If you know any gifted grafters gimme a buzz.

I’m not anticipating at this point I’ll be on Mount Rushmore but heck why not.

Don’t you think it’s missing something?

No home is complete without a canine.

I’d fit right in in that bare but if boulder beside George.

Blessing#1798-Stonework.