Booming Banter

I’ve been awake for a while not feeling good.

I woke Ma up at 4:45 with my retching so she’s not chuffed.

Nothings coming up but I am also emitting noxious fumes. Ma has inspected the whole room but there is no trace of any production.

There now didn’t that get your weekend off to a less than good start.

To make up for it I’ll now try to crack you up with a few more pleasant thoughts.

When in doubt resort to chicken. Even for jokes for a grumpy Mama.

If that fails tell old dog tales about when you were just a puppy and super cute. Puppy’s melt hearts.

Finally if she is still huffing and puffing and bemoaning the fact that she has to do everything in this house and that she can’t even get a decent sleep remind her that bears and dogs are close cousins.

Blessing#1413-Gas

See when you stir of a morning and the first thing you hear is a big downpour it can have an impact on your mood. Make that Ma’s mood which of course rubs off on me.

In this case it was extremely positive because she was thinking she’d have to water the plants this morning and now she doesn’t so we can snuggle under for a few more minutes.

Better still it induced a look at the rest of the days forecast and things could not be better.

For our trot the rain will stop and it will be cool

The maximum temperature for the day is only 79F which is a heck of a lot lower than the close to 100F we’ve been having.

In Northern Irish meteorological speak that’s sweltering but having adapted nicely to hotter climes Ma says it’s just “grand”

Blessing#1412-Sweet Spot

One of Ma’s pals posted this list on Facebook of things she’s no longer interested in.

It got me thinking of the things that interest me most. So here’s my top five favorite things.

Number one is being close to Mom.

I follow her everywhere I can even to the can just incase she flushes away.

Next up is sleep. Especially sleep beside my Mama.

Third up is going car. It’s especially good when you can go alone with Mom and sit in Dads seat and have the window down and let that breeze hit your face.

Fourth since I’m into nature and solitude a good trot through the woods to smell all the posts on the trees does my heart good particularly if not accompanied by the demonic presence.

Finally it would be enjoying being myself even if I’m on the grumpy side at times. A Good Huff is hard to beat!

Blessing#1411-Hits!

Ma discovered on Sunday that she’d missed an episode of the Crown. She just could not imagine how this was possible as it was the one where Charles met Camilla.

So it was that Dad, the Demon and myself were subjected to Series 3 episode 8 which inevitably led to 9 and 10 last evening. Painful!

The only saving Grace with this is that she can’t watch it without eating popcorn.

We uncovered some forgotten facts too that the poet Laureate at the time Sir John Betjeman had penned a dittie about the Queen in 1977 at the time of her silver jubilee.

It is very sweet.

How Ma missed this is a puzzle as she recalled every detail of the pink outfit so well and all the events of that summer that involved much partying and little school work.

Maybe she was too busy disco dancing and holding lyrics in her head to pack in a little poem!

Blessing#1410-Reruns

Greeting passionate peeps bet that gave you a lovely surprise! I just couldn’t wait another moment to let y’all know about my trip to the beauty parlor.

It was all arranged by my Dad.

He swept me up in his arms yesterday morning and drove me off into the sunshine.

Well actually we didn’t go that far just two miles down the road but it felt like an adventure.

Granny has been complaining that I was ripping her wrinkled skin apart with my every lengthening nails so I had a mani pedi.

After that since I’d been gently glowing all summer as we ladies do I had a bubble bath and blow dry before having the best perfume money can buy applied behind my ears and tush. No expenses were spared. My Dad loves me so much!

I came home smelling so sweet I completely confused the Grey Gizzard he though I might have turned into a pretty baby girl.

That’s when I was forced to show him while I might be shining like the stainless steel I’m made of iron.

Blessing#1408-Grooming

When the wonderful Canine Collective group came and rescued me and dozens of other dogs from a kill shelter in Texas I was transported to Ohio with another dude then known as Oreo.

When my Mom saw the two of us in the run together the day our family came to adopt me she was like “oh we should take them both they are so cute” but dad was like “one dog that’s it” so they picked me. Little did he know the trauma that lay ahead with the arrival of the PIT!

In retrospect it’s as well they just took me or Ma would have had to grow a third arm.

Thanks to the CC adoption group Oreo and I stay in touch on Facebook and he is now known as Lucca. This is him a few days ago out on his porch. Seems like he got a good ranch too.

Each time I see him I think we might be related. He has a similar tail to mine and some of my coloring too. It goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway he is very handsome. I’ve never seen him curly though.

Wonder would he like some company? If I can’t get rid of this barking beast that lives with me I might just shift suites.

Blessing#1407-Correspondance

Greetings passionate public. Have you missed me?

Did y’all see the stinky old Gizz had problems again yesterday loading his photos. Serves him right for being so mean.

If he thinks for one minute I’d try to escape this cushy number of a ranch where I live and get to hang out with my Dad he’s got another think coming.

I’m here to stay. No need for signage I’m sticking to the good food good life mantra of that company that pays Granny’s pension. My days like their pet food are BENEFUL!

Now of course I wouldn’t object to a little fun in the sun. I got a tad jelly (that’s the sweeter form of jealous for the uninitiated) when I glimpsed at my Auntie Laura’s Facebook post this morning.

Her canine kids were out on their new pontoon boat in Georgia soaking up some rays of sun last evening. That is a fair piece of competition for my luxury lifestyle.

Of course they’re not nearly as strikingly beautiful as my good self. So if I did go down there for few days I’ve no doubt I’d snag all the men in no time.

It got me thinking I’d need a few accessories for a trip. You can’t go on vaccy without new gear so I started looking.

What do you think of this little number I found on Amazon? Modeled by a Pitty not nearly as precious as me of course!

Is it suitable for my coloring or should I stick with topless?

Just as a reminder here’s that perfectly lit photo of me looking like Greta Garbo that grumpy failed to post! Or did it simply crash the net?

Blessing#1406-Party Peeps

See women they’d drive you nuts.

They are so vain.

Always wanting to take selfies and pose in their best light.

I’m ready to quit. I’m just absolutely Grumpy central today!

Think I might have my best plan yet to liquidate the Pit.

If I bought a sign that said keep the gate closed I bet it would encourage the females to open it.

Since women are so contrary they always do exactly what they shouldn’t.

Blessing#1405-Goofy Gals.

Do you every have Ah Ha moments.

I don’t because I am so smart I get things immediately out of the gate. Light perpetually shines upon me!

It happens to Mom though.

It can sometimes take decades for her to put things together.

Take this as an example.

She sees a post about money.

The light dawns!

That’s what that song was all about.

Way back in 1980 she listened to it everyday but not once did she think it was about money.

What the heck!

Did she expect it was about decorative items?

Not the brightest candle my Ma.

Blessing#1404-Ornaments

This morning I’d like to make a shout out for WhatsApp.

We had to do one of those regular updates and it made us think how much we love it.

Maybe it has hidden secrets but to all intents and purposes it seems to be a pretty honest and good way to keep in touch.

It means we can chat with friends and family anywhere in the world for free. That’s a noble cause when you think not so long ago if you wanted to talk with your cousin on the East coast of India for any length of time you’d have needed a second mortgage.

Now I’m in touch with cousin Krishna nearly everyday. He sends me jokes and encouragement to make sure I don’t get too grumpy.

This puts me in a good mood before I have to tackle trouble.

Ma uses it all the time to talk to her besties in Northern Ireland or wherever they may be cruising around the world.

Unlike Facebook, WhatsApp has no bells and whistle but it gives you a really cool sense of being close to your closest without the spying eye.

So thank you to whoever is the owner. You’re a pal.

Blessing#1403-Connectivity