Booming Banter

After the exploits of yesterday we are being as good as Beatrix Potters Bunnies.

After almost strangling big ears Ma decided to try a different tactic.

She is rewarding good behavior rather than threading murder for bad one. She has said come and sit so many times I fear she has cracked up completely.

You know me though if there is a treat to be had I’ll do anything. It goes without saying mega would also except she’s not that smart and it’s taking her a while to catch on. On this occasion only I’m coaching her.

The wrinkled ones leg is less swollen than it was but is beautifully colored.

Looks a bit like a tattoo but we’ll spare you any more graphic detail.

She even chopped us up a dodgy pink lady as part of our training perks as a mid morning snack!

Who’d have thought that injury would lead to such reward!

Blessing#1180-Positive Reinforcements

Having a good layer of fat around the bones can be helpful.

It’s paid off for my Mom who looks as though you have gone ten rounds with George Forman.

It started with her pinky about three weeks ago as you may recall when we got into that tangle of leashes.

About ten days ago the devils spawn tripped her up on the way to the sofa with her morning brew and she fell onto the side of the coffee table. Still has a massive bruise from that one.

Yesterday we (make that I) pulled her off her feet trying to chase our neighbors car as she left for work. She was in the process of picking up the Princess’s poop in our yard and fell into the drainage ditch. Fortunately not into the horrifically smelly material the creature emits.

We were then put in a strict training protocol beat on reward of good behaviors.

We (make that I again) did great with that this morning and didn’t chase a single vehicle. Aunt Denise saw how mature I’d become overnight.

Ma was feeling excessively proud of her dog training skills until that is we reached home after our two mile trot.

As it was icy she decided to take us across the grass instead of down the hill.

Big ears took this as a cue to play.

Tore off in one direction and her retractable leash in the other.

It hit Ma so hard on the inside of her shin that she nearly fainted.

Puffed up that like a postprandial Pitty it did. Heaven knows what color it will be this evening.

She has vowed this is the end. The demon was immediately returned to her father and he who was snoring will need to get a pair of walking shoes because Ma has had it.

Blessing#1179-Padding

We have to buy dog food by the ton. Not exaggerating Ma can hardly lift the bag. it weighs more than me!

We keep the big one in the garage and a smaller one in the pantry.

We restock the small one from the big one and usually this routine happens in the garage. With temperatures at 20F this morning it was a tad too chilly for poor Ma to stand there scooping kibble from one bag to another at 6:30am.

So she hauled the big one into the kitchen and I supervised the transfer.

I cleaned up any spills like a good son.

Downside of all this industry was that it woke up big ears. She heard the noise and of course thought it was feeding time at the zoo.

When she wants out of the bros room she makes this high pitched little “I’m such a tinny little baby please help me” noise.

Of course Ma can’t listen to it for more than a second and caves in.

The “Dyson” then devours a pound of kibble in the time any normal critter could say crunchies.

This must immediately be followed by a trip to the yard. Since it’s pitch black I’m left inside as Ma says she can’t walk two dogs till it’s light.

That’s when I hear her barking like a big old bloodhound. This deep down masculine sound is sent out of her to terrify Skeeter and Nina the nice Labradors who live across the road.

Would frighten the life of you. Who knew that any single entity could have such vocals.

Is she the canine version of a Diva. Please send help!

Blessing#1178-Amazing Range

Worm fest morning for the beast! She must have eaten half a pound of the slitherers. Ask Aunt Denise if you don’t believe me!

Bad hair day for me though!

When she gets wet she looks the same. Just gets smelly.

I go all frizzy but still smell sweet.

We didn’t go far as it was pouring and Ma’s feet were wet.

So we came home for a fight.

You have to work off the pent up energy somehow.

Dad hates it. He can’t stand the stinker.

It’s fun though.

The niece knows I’m the boss

When she surrenders I’m sweet!

Blessing#1177-Wet Workout

When we were out with Auntie Denise this morning for our constitutional we saw something very weird.

In one of the yards there was a dog.

It looked like my friend Boomer whose a labradoodle.

I went over and smacked it one on the lips but it stood still as a statue.

Thats when I realized it was glowing.

I whispered in its ear but it didn’t answer.

Mega tried to get it going with her antics.

Still it did nothing.

What the heck.

Stupid critter. Even Mega is smarter than that.

Hope it’s owners aren’t counting on it to protect the property.

Brought a whole new meaning to sit and stay. No doubt it will have a glowing character reference!

Blessing#1176-Lit Up

The niece has illusions of grandeur.

When we go the park the geese are usually knocking about. There’s a huge flock of them.

This morning they decided they were off somewhere.

When they take to flight they make a desperate racket.

Well big ears thinks she can fly too.

Tried to take off with them.

Nearly took my poor mothers arm out of its socked. Only I’m allowed to do that!

I whispered to her on our return that she’s got to behave like a canine and ignore flying objects once they are in the sky.

My concern is she may injure Ma and then we’d be grounded for good for sure.

By the way as you can see she has fully recovered from her operation and hair is growing again on the landing strip on her belly. All down to my excellent TLC!

Blessing#1175-Flight of Fancy

With the bro working at the pizza shop it’s fair to say this delight has become a staple at our place. It is rare that there is not some in the fridge.

To further enhance the consumption a new creation is now offered so we can have pizza for dessert or breakfast too.

It’s this cinnamon sugar concoction that the bro brings home now and then. We got one last night so Dad resisted eating it so he could have it for breakfast. Ma and bro caved in and ate their share.

We had a stand off over the food bowl as usual but none was added to it. We had to beg.

The few crumbs were insufficient to satisfy Mega.

She devoured a mile long road full of worms that had crept out in the rain last night.

Ma has given up trying to stop her eating them. She had to intervene though with a frightening scream when the demonic presence tried to chew down on a rat skin she found in a ditch.

It must have been pretty rank as she obeyed and dropped it immediately.

All these supplements appear to benefit her growth as she’s now the same height as me.

Has anyone got suggestions as to what we might feed her to stunt her or better yet exterminate her before things go from bad to worse.

Perhaps a concoction of all those things that sound so good that dogs shouldn’t eat like onions and garlic and raisins and grapes …….. or maybe ladies underwear will do the trick! I live in hope!

Blessing#1173-Sustenance

Hi fans! Nala your Pitty Pups here.

I know you all have been desperate to hear from me as I am so beautiful and sweet.

My uncle whispered in my ear that he has been spreading rumors about me that have reached a very important person.

Please can you step in on my behalf and inform the fat bearded one that I am deserving of much attention and reward.

You may communicate with the North Pole via the human one who looks like this canine. I suspect she too is up against me since I tried to recycle her shoes and undergarments. Pester her please with protest on my behalf.

Yours truly a believer

Blessing #1174-Advocates

Ma as you know had her flu shot and Covid booster on Monday.

She’s so happy to have had both done at the same appointment. Highly efficient use of time. Good sport!

The only issue between you and me is that she can’t get comfortable in bed since both arms were shot.

Just as a matter of interest though she says the right arm hurts less than the left when she lies on it. Maybe because of the type of shot or because it’s the dominant arm used more than the other.

Regardless she’s keeping me awake at night so I’m an old sleepy grumpy paws.

Maybe I need to follow Mega’s example and do a bit of yoga.

Blessing#1172-Self Study

The bro is going all gooey about his babies first Christmas.

Boke!

All because of that imbecile our tree has to be moved from its usual spot where I can see it to a remote corner of the house where no one goes.

She can’t be trusted you see as she will eat the decor or worse yet pee on the fir!

The bro was helping Ma to get everything sorted and had a brainwave. He decided if he jingle belled the beast we’d know where she was.

He disco balled me too.

Ma thought it was a great idea but after and hour of ring ding a linging she told the bro to take the decors off our collars.

She said it was cruel.

What she really meant was that it was getting on her nerves.

So we are relieved of adornments and the tree is up.

Blessing#1171-Fibber