Author: boomingbanter

I have learned a new word.

It’s one my Mom had never used in her entire life. She even had to lookup the meaning.

Over the past few weeks though almost every time you turn on the TV you hear it. Seems some SUPREME people who are meant to be extremely SMART use it.

Clearly when they use it they are communicating among themselves.

That troubles me greatly!

We THE PEOPLE need to speak.

Blessing#1379-Ballot Boxes

The Entente Cordiale has been suspended.

Once more I am officially at war with The PIT.

She has started scraping the basement door as soon as Ma and me arise from our chamber.

The bro no doubt is still snoring below so Ma let’s her out of the dungeon she shares with him in fear she many have an urgency that results in our asphyxiation and a massive cleanup. It’s potential worse that a nuke her poop.

That in itself is not the cause for the return of hostilities it’s what happens next.

Instead of a leisurely graze through my fruhstuck I am forced to gulp down every morsel while she stands poised like the panzer division beside me ready to pounce on my bowl. Should I turn away for a second she’s into it.

Thus freed from overnight digestion and replete with food that should have been all mine she starts.

Round and round and round in circles she goes taunting me terribly.

I am getting too old for this.

A new strategy is needed to bring this enemy under control.

I may need to retreat for a day or two to draw up plans but I have a major force on my side.

Dad has pulled out the history books and we’ve set up the map room in the office with the glass door.

Blessing#1378-Tactics

My extraordinary beauty is beyond question.

Some of my more faithful followers have likened me to a certain Mona Lisa.

I would not be surprised if I was called upon for a sitting so I am polishing up my poses. Note if you would my alluring smile.

The Gizzard says I resemble more closely an alien than an Italian maiden.

Who is he to judge.

Just a stinky old Texan.

Doesn’t know the meaning of purebred Pitty Perfection. I’ve just that little edge over others.

Should you wish to capture me in oil on canvas please consult Wrinkle Woman.

Blessing#1377-Muse

It’s been three weeks since I’ve been able to go to work with Mom because it’s too hot for me to stay in the car. Instead I have to suffocate at home with Dad and Mega.

It could be worse I could be making pizza with the bro. That’s a super hot job when the outdoor temperatures are nearing the 100 mark.

Ma took some pics to show me how things are coming along in the fields on our country roads.

On my last trip the corn was tiny.

Now it’s almost as big as Ma herself.

Can you imagine if everything grew that fast and it’s still not as high as an elephants eye.

The only thing that has reached that height is the poke weed Ma is cultivating in our yard for the blue birds. It’s huge! That great tree like arbuste is all this seasons growth!!!!

The corn looks real pretty especially when contrasted with the wheat that’s now quite golden and ready to harvest.

It’s just amazing that soon it will be flour and then that will be transformed to things I can wrap my chops around.

The miracle of agriculture and food science!

Blessing#1376-Crusts!

What is it with women and their need to wear hard wear around their neck?

The good thing is when Mom leaves Mega’s on her it gives her something to chew on and keeps her monstrous trap shut for a while.

She very vain you know so if Ma is wearing her jewels she wants to wear hers too.

Ma says it’s not an exclusively female domain to wear neck wear. I’m keeping any such thoughts well away from here! The only collar for me is the stinky blue one that is obligatory for walks.

PIT has jaws of steel so I keep telling Ma not to let her chew her choker for too long but she doesn’t listen. Just breaks into song which I don’t understand.

Do you get it?

Maybe it’s another girlie thing because I don’t!

Blessing-1375-Unchained

Yesterday was international yoga day. We forgot but our Guru cousin Krishna reminded us.

We do our Sun salutations most days. Although with it also being the summer solstice we don’t always make it out before dawn these mornings.

I am pretty flexible and good at up dogs and down dogs but the Pit has me beat when it comes to stretching.

I am not quite sure how she does it but she manages to elongate her body into a sausage like conformation.

It doesn’t just last for a second either she can stay like that for half an hour.

I believe in a past life she may have lived in an ashram.

Wonder would they take her back I’m fed up being nice to her. She’s very gifted at the prayer pose!

Blessing#1374-Namaste

Since Pits was so pleasant in her posting about my personal training skills I gave her a little slack yesterday. I so totally am a gentle giant!

Ma found a new pod cast about Prince Charles so we all adjourned to our chambers to listen to it.

We played a little then snuggled some and then the little Princess fell asleep.

She was as sweet as that water melon she recommended. I patted her little Pitty head.

It has an addition use that watermelon.

Serves as super strong hair gel for your whiskers when you’ve had a feast on it which we did with Ma.

Gives great definition to color and character of my cruncher and made we feel a bit like I too was born to rule.

Blessing#1373-Styling Support

There is no doubt I am an outstanding beauty. Many have asked me to share my tips. My devoted public are particular intrigued by my ability to remain svelte while eating like a horse.

I am THE living breathing French PITTY paradox.

Part of my Perfection lies in my genes. I have been blessed with muscularity. Genes are no excuse though for being ugly. You still got to work on being a beauty.

Exercise is essential. Build up whatever muscle you have with plenty of interval training. If you haven’t got one find a personal trainer to beat you up. The Gizz is mine. Have them chase you round in circles for at least an hour each day.

Cardio and build up complete work on the steps. For this you may need companionship to keep you motivated. Granny is good. She can’t chase me round in circles like the Gizz but she can walk to the park and back or round Cardinal Hill.

Talk as you go and do a bit of wildlife and plant spotting. If that gets boring play Dancing Queen and other such disco music to make you skip.

If you can do this multiple times daily it will help a lot but ultimately you must manage your intake as well as your output.

Regular well balanced meals are essential but if you must snack choose wisely. Eat wood or grass if you can as it passes straight though. If that doesn’t appeal and you still have a desire to chew think of things that take time.

This morning as an example I pulled down some dried banquette from the counter. When it gets real hard it is a bit like wood.

Always have salad as it’s like eating grass only humans usually put sauce on it.

Finally, fill your gut with fluid ideally water in any form. Go slow on the sugar but a little now and then is OK.

Voilà! Easy peasy lemon squeezey!

Should you have questions please post and I’ll get back to you as your very only Pitty Personal Perfectionist!

Blessing#1372-Régime

What else dear reader can I do today than pay tribute to my Dad.

I love him beyond measure because he is my major purveyor of treats.

A devotee of the Oreo and Custard Cream cookie he generously shares the same with me each morning. He also keeps me pieces from his dinner plate each evening and chops them into tiny pieces to delight my palate.

He is also a person of great intellectual capacity that I have inherited by osmosis. He never tires of filling his mind with new knowledge hence the book that is eternally attached to his arm.

On occasions when the bro returns with unexpected gifts such as a tiny black worm he is gracious if somewhat gobsmacked.

He has a full room of clothes bearing labels such as Dior and Balmain yet he is often dressed by Walmart.

His favorite grey vestment has to be occasionally prized from his body by my Ma to be refreshed.

Please note dear reader the frequency with which he has been photographed in this garb if you do not believe me.

On occasion though he does dress up and looks quite fine setting an example for the bro.

We are all delighted to report that after a rocky road this year he has been completely freed from the oxygen tube for the past two weeks.

We love you Dad and hope you enjoy the pancakes we’re going to make you for brunch because Ma has declared your getting no more books!

Blessing#771-PaPaw

This is one you won’t believe but it’s gospel!

To say I was ecstatic when I awoke this morning would be an understatement.

Bliss had returned. The air was cool as yesterday’s five day forecast had indicated.

Ma dutifully did as I instructed and rolled up the blinds and opened the windows.

Let’s go girl I said I cannot wait to chill.

She prepared my brekkie adding hot chicken grease she’d kept from dinner a few nights ago especially for me.

I was bursting though so couldn’t eat more than a nibble till I did my pee.

She noted the signals and took me out.

That’s when it happened.

We returned instantaneous to find jaws with her massive muzzle in my bowl.

She gets more like that wolf in Goldilocks every single day.

Not a morsel did she leave me. Licked that bowl to sparkling clean.

How the heck though did she escape from the basement?

That door doesn’t even have a handle she could push down!

The only thing I can think of is she opened it with her mouth.

Maybe with just a little encouragement she might open the front door.

It’s one of those clever ones that you can get out but you can’t get back in. Sweet.

Blessing#1370-Deadlocks