I neglected my campaign these past days in order to succor the hand that feeds me.
Now she is returned to normal, more or less, I once again am putting paw to the Presidency.
Appearances are so important. So a good mug shot is essential.
A close up shows you have nothing to hide. No open pores or pimples. No sagging skin or fake tan. As for the hair I’m an all natural salt and pepper sort. A no dye dude.
Question is should I appear speaking or with my mouth shut. Oh the decisions I must make.
In the meantime I wish my predecessor and the current encombrant of the position a very happy 80th birthday.
Her name is ARETHA because wait for it she’s all about SOUL
After much test driving and debating with Dad and the Bro, who both wanted bigger and more expensive vehicles, Ma insisted she must have this littlest and least costly SUV because it is literally iconic.
Go ahead type the word car or vehicle and see what pops up 🚗
The Princess is going to have to jump like an athlete to get into the trunk and it will limit dumpster diving abilities but Ma thinks Aretha is really cute.
She’s got “fun features and finishes” and will look perfect when covered with magnetic teapots.
She may also get eyelashes to match her purple dashboard night lights!
For the moment she’s got U105 live from Belfast, the best radio station in the world. Programmed in by the bro who agreed the electronics at least in the little lady are lovely!
We got a lovely thanksgiving card from Auntie Marsha and her pack yesterday. I read it to Mom and she gave me a big smile.
We certainly have a lot to be thankful for even if our challenges make us feel a little blue.
While Mom was at work we guys and the Princess put our heads together to cheer Mum up. When she got home the bro jumped into his car that she’d borrowed and ran over to Walmart to get her enough candy to sweeten the Grinch.
She might need more though because when we woke up this morning we saw a text from the tenant of the apartment above the Tearoom.
It had been sent at 3:45 am to say the power had gone out. The shop itself seems OK as there is no security alarm signal so it must be a circuit in the apartment that’s tripped.
Now this is very serious because the temperature is well below freezing for the next four days and pipes will burst!
So while others sleep Ma is deep into the « what on earth possessed me to ever buy that $&@@%¥ old building » I’m trying to calm her nerves and tell he all will be OK and then look what pops up on Verse of the Day.
I tell you I have a direct line with him upstairs. No separate circuits there!
Ma is feeling sad. After the euphoria and anticipation of getting a new car all the hassle of finding one not to mention disposing of a dear old friend hits you smack in the face.
It’s all making me blue too.
She’s currently in the « if only » phase. If only I’d taken the car to the garage earlier, if only I’d traded it in last year, if only I’d ????
I’ve tried to console her but she’s huffing.
Yesterday she saw a Honda and a Jeep neither of which set her heart on fire. She perked up briefly when she saw a Mini Cooper Countryman. Said when she drove it it took her back to her youth when she had minis. It’s a 2018 model but has only 44000 miles.
She was having visions of getting magnetic teapot stickers made and putting them all over it for her business.
Dad and the bro poured cold water on the idea of the mini but she’s still feeling a little flame.
It’s been a long time since she had a car with a name.
Between you and me we’re thinking we might call this one Twiggy or Lulu or Cilla.
Yesterday Ma had plans. She was getting her fangs cleaned at 9:00 and then was going to treat herself to a few hours at the mall before meeting Auntie Lori for a chitty chat.
You know about plans.
Just a mile from home at 8:45 as she turned off the 315 onto route 750 and crossed the Olentangy River her car literally rattled to a stop.
It had been vibrating at 40mph for some time and she was going to take it to the MIDAS garage to have them look at it on her way back from the mall that very day.
Too late.
The brother was called as he was on his day off. He swapped cars with Mom so she could make it to the dentist and waited for the AAA to come and tow the car to MIDAS.
By the time her pearlies were white the car was on the truck.
They reunited at MIDAS where the poor heap of metal was put on the ramp.
Ma dropped the bro at home and went to the mall where she sniffed scent and saw Santa.
She asked him to fix her car but he didn’t deliver.
MIDAS informed her the transmission was gone and needed replaced which being a Merc would cost a whopping $15000. Look at all those zeros!!!!!
Auntie Lori advised Ma to stay cool drink hot chocolate and go to CARMAX and check out the used cars
The bro agreed so off they went. The bro is not averse to luxury vehicles but is strongly pushing for something smarter that won’t cost a fortune to service and maintain. Smart not a SMART something like a Hyundai or Honda or Kia.
They found a great 2019 Subaru at CARMAX. It has just 22,000 miles and leather seats which are essential for transporting myself and the Princess.
Problem is it on hold for someone. They’ll call us if the people change their mind.
So today we have to take the bro to work find a solution to get rid of the dead Merc pick the bro up and do some more hunting for a new vehicle.
Mine was making so much noise just now I thought there was a cat under the bed.
So I jumped down and had a peak.
No it was just myself.
As Ma was intent on reading her feed as she is always hungry for news I tried to catch an extra forty winks.
When you’re hungry though it’s hard to sleep.
So I jumped back into bed and smacked her one on the lips.
She got the message so off now for some crunchies.
I didn’t eat much dinner yesterday just wasn’t feeling like it. Must always remember that not everyone gets two square meals a day and has the chance to choose when I write my manifesto.
The PIT is trying to usurp my position as the primary pup in this palace.
She has taken my place at the lookout.
She has established herself on my seat of power.
This cannot be tolerated as it may give the impression of weakness to my populous.
So I was force to rebound with a full on attack on the veggie chips and chase her off back to the sofa.
I don’t know what has come over the bro that he brought those things home. Part of my manifesto must be to appeal to the vegan element I suppose but I’d take a good old potato LAYS over those things anytime.
Maybe he’s intent on living for ever like that dog on Facebook whose now 140 in human years.
Since there are so many ancients around these days I suppose I need to capture their appeal also. Wonder what I’d look like at that age.
So the Great Gizz thinks he can ship me off to the palace in exchange for a Jack Russell. Dream on Scoobs I’m like Kongs and Nalas I’m here to stay!
Mind you at the Palace they probably have indoor exercise rooms for their pups to use when it’s pouring.
I hate rain and it was constant yesterday. It makes me feel so cold. Dogs in the UK are used to it I hear. Take Stella she’s my Granny’s school pal Linda’s girl. When it’s wet she watches the vet on TV.
The Gizz says that when it’s raining Granny always wears her old stinky waxed cotton coat to go out and its got treats in the pocket so I should chin up and walk on.
Thanks but no thanks I’m a girl made for paradise where it rains when your fast asleep and where the sun always shines even when it’s setting.
Just when I was feeling happy that these mid term elections were over I got this horrible sinking feeling that this signals the start of something worse. The gloves are off in the fight for 2024. Add to this the start of the new season of TheCrown and I could feel downright gloomy.
Fear not dear devotees I have a plan in place. I sent out a few fliers and began canvassing among my local community and it has been unanimously agreed that I should run for President.
It’s been a long time since a bearded wonder held the position and none of them come close to me in that regard.
My mission will be to ensure equality for all intelligent life on this planet.
I will fund this by reunification of the United States with the United Kingdom. The money saved on export and import tax will be enough to feed everyone for the next millennium.
In addition to being Prime Minister I will also take over the position of King and buy stock in Netflix.
The price is very good at present since the new series of the Crown is rater lack luster but they’ll now be forced to make season seven so I should have good capital gain.
I’ll sell the fine art of the reunified countries to Elon since he’d buy anything for the sake of humanity. Come to think of it he’d probably also take the crown jewels for a few trillion which should wipe him totally out of business.
As my running mate I will take Beth the Queens rescue whom I quite fancy.
This will show I’m open to diversify of sorts and quite sympathetic to the fact the ex monarchs will need a nice kennel. They can stay in the palace and I’ll ship them a Pitty Princess in exchange.
Beth and I will take the White House to show how modest we really are.
Booming Banter 