Booming Banter

Greeting my Passionate Pitty Public. I am in no doubt that your weekend would not be the same without a word from your very own Princess.

Today I decided y’all must be in need of some tips on how to look as good as me.

You must accent your best features. Of course I have many but key to my success are my dark eyes, my shiny black hair and my cute little white toe tips that match my beautiful nashers and undergarments!

The key is to find your color.

Mine is red.

I learned this all from my Auntie Paula who uses this combo so effectively on her logo at her luxury boutique Paula’s Posh Picks.

You must accessorize effectively too.

Choose your jewels to match and complement each other.

Take my leash that Auntie Denise bought me it is a heavy chunky metal that could pass as platinum if you didn’t know it is made of reinforced steel.

This cool metallic can be draped or worn, as mine often is, as a choker.

For a more relaxed look let it drape a little and always always always dear peeps show how the features like the handle Granny grabs so hard is perfectly matched to your designer pieces.

There! I trust that was all helpful for those of you planning to head out and drink champagne and eat oysters. Oh and do make sure to get your nails done like mine French Tips are so classy!

For those of you on a more restricted budget of beer and pizza like the old Gizz forget all of the above and just stick on a baseball cap. After all the season has started for ball games!

Blessing#1301-Fashonistas

Just after I sent out my epistle yesterday morning the sun came out.

It was cool in multiple senses so I got to go with Ma to work.

We decided that each time we had to stop we’d take a photo just to share with you. We nose you are nosy!!!

First stop a mile from home and we took a pic of the old Liberty Presbyterian Church where the blossoms are just about to bloom.

Next up the junction with Route 23 that runs from Jacksonville Florida to Mackinaw Michigan. We just went to Marion. Maybe one day we’ll just keep on going.

We stopped again at Panhandle road that made us wonder was there a connection with the most southerly point on this famous road.

It was then on to 423. We joined by taking a little road over a tiny bridge.

This took us to Marion where we got our next stop just before the Presidents house.

A final one at the junction of 95, Vine and East Church Street took us to our own little place.

It would seem Ma needs therapy as she is dressing bunnies in hats!!

Please pray for her and for me.

Blessing#1300-Red Lights

If you haven’t heard there’s a crazy amount of storms going on in the USA right now.

We’re not in their direct path but we’re getting a lot of rain and that sucks because we get short trots.

All I can do is sit and keep guard.

Ma says she saw a photo of London yesterday and that I could replace one of the lions at Nelsons Column in Trafalgar Square.

It’s been twelve years since Ma has been to London but she tells me it’s the best city in the whole wide world. She’d just love a trip to the big smoke!

Since, like myself, it’s unlikely she’ll get any further than Ohio in the foreseeable future she will have to content herself with dreams and back yard safaris.

Oh deer!!!

Blessing#1299-Uplifting

Last night for a little light entertainment we watched Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett in the classic crooner’s final concert in New York. It’s really great, very touching how Gaga takes care of Tony.

They sang among other tunes That’s Why The Lady is a Tramp and of course it got me thinking of a certain person not too far from me. We barked along!

I may look shaggy and she may look chique but let me tell you apparences can often deceive.

Underneath that glossy black coat and fancy matching accessories lies a calculating character ready to pounce at any moment. I have to be constantly on guard. Not good for my nerves.

She may gaze lovingly at me like a student at her mentor but she’s no Gaga.

I’m wise to that woman! This smile is hiding a secret snarl!

Blessing#1298-Disguises

I am doing a great job keeping the terrorist in check.

I find a point of elevation is of great significance.

She lies low.

When we are on an even par we keep our distance.

My Dad often acts as the mediator. He keeps us apart with treats.

I haven’t quite mastered sharing a bowl with her yet.

I eat first and then she cleans up. Useful for something I suppose after all who likes doing dishes.

Take this morning as an example.

Ma had slow roasted corned beef on Sunday. It’s a very fatty meat so she kept all the drippings as a means to tempt me to eat more kibble.

She warms the fat in the microwave and pours it over my kibbs but it solidifies so fast I leave what’s sticks together at the bottom of the bowl.

This is then topped up for Jaws who devours it in the wink of an eye but see that beef fat it really hardens just like a film so herself chases it all around the kitchen to clear it off.

You should hear the racket and all this at 7:45 in the morning. It’s like machine gun fire!

She gets it shiny though.

Doesn’t know how lucky she is that I graciously leave my scraps for her.

Blessing#1297-Gravy Train

Did you read what that scoundrel wrote yesterday? Thinks she can make a takeover bid for my position in the pecking order. Well dream on demon. I’m fighting back big time.

This is no longer a joke. I’m going for the jugular.

Not only does she try to take my throne she is making my Dad go gooey gaga with her endearing young charms.

He takes a lot of pills though and she’d eat anything so I’m scheming. All I’d need to do is topple those over and she’d be a goner.

See she has no perception of the love my Ma has for me. Hamlet eat your heart out or was that Macbeth?

Blessing#1296-Sovereignty

Greetings my passionate public. Have you missed me?

I’ve been practicing Princessing all week and am making a takeover bid for the Gizzard’s throne.

Granny is so supportive. We gals gotta stick together.

The Gizz gives me grief most every day but the only way to win is keep on smiling.

I’ve learned this from my Granny who shows her nashers often with me and the Gizz but works at always putting on her happy face. The key is keeping the head held high!

Onwards and upwards dear peeps to the place of Pitty power!

Blessing#1295-Positioning

The « thing » is really stupid as well as ugly.

Yesterday Ma was all gooey because she got to pick her first daffodils.

They’re small and puny but she still thinks they’re beautiful.

I didn’t say a word because they are extremely toxic.

It tried to eat them.

Ma scolded and made her sit in time out.

They are still in an accessible place soooooooooooooo

I’m sniffing around them pretending they are desirable.

With any luck she’ll devour them or others to come and that will be that.

Blessing#1294-Flowering Season

Every Friday my Ma tries to find a funny.

Today she had to find one for the business too as it’s April 1st.

Do you play along with this tradition?

In the French speaking world they call it « Poisson D’Avril » (April Fish!).

There’s lots of theories on where this all originated but it goes way back. Some think it’s related to when New Years was celebrated. Way way way back this was on March 25 and the partying lasted till March 31 so if you were still having a boogie on April 1 you were a fool!

Old Chaucer was in on the fun even if he didn’t look like much of a joker.

Of course nor do I but under my Gizzard is a giggle. We do have a striking resemblance don’t you think?

I’ve helped Ma concoct her dinosaur blend and we have come up with something very special.

It induces sleep in the most vile beasts and will be available for sale nationally soon. Who wants a sip?

Blessing-#-1293-Funnies

I admit I do do a lot of barking when critters come to my ranch. Good soldiers got to earn their keep!

Yesterday morning I took it to new extremes. Nearly caused stone deafness in the ancient parents and almost woke the bro up.

See they don’t see what’s going on.

It’s left to me to chase off the deer and other grazers.

Yesterday though the beast was persistent.

No matter how much I barked Tufty stayed put.

Ma eventually pulled up the blinds but all it did was move from the pillar to the post.

Took us eventually a full door opening I’m coming to get you tactic to get rid of it.

They eat squirrels around here. Might stew it if it comes back! Will for sure have a good stuffing!!!

Blessing#1292-Nuts