By now you all know that Dad is my biggest fan and the major purveyor of my treats. He’s also usually smart as he hates Mega as much as me!
Last night though he made a grave error that got Ma mad as mad can be.
See she and Auntie Paula had been having their first annual Spring Fling to celebrate the anniversaries for their businesses opening.
There was a buffet supper (for heaven sake please say the new arrangements with the bookshelves look good)……
a fashion show with beautiful models and all clothes from Paula’s Posh Picks ……….
and a Derby hat contest and…..
as a finale when all this was coming to a close a thunderstorm to end all thunderstorms.
It lasted for the entire 45 minutes that Ma was driving home and was still going when she got here.
To say her nerves were a little shaky when she arrived would be accurate.
I announced her arrival and as usual I greeted her at the door that goes from the garage to the kitchen.
Dad swiftly joined me and uttered the what could have been historic last words “this poor dog needs to pee”
She went ballistic.
“Do you want me dead? Can you not see that storm? Look at that $¥#%*!& lightening! I just drove through that for the past hour and now you want me to stand in it while the dog pees!”
Yesterday the bro was off work and was given the onerous responsibility of taking care of his kid. I watched from on high as they lay on the sofa. I’ll spare you the sight of that scene!
Ma was busy doing other things. She has given up her booth at the antique mall so she can focus all her attention on me and the tearoom.
Ma had moved everything out last week but her car is only big enough to hold a small shelf so her pal Karen, who is an experienced dealer and used to handling large items of furniture, stepped in with her huge red truck to move Ma’s two book cases. They are now in place serving as room dividers at the tearoom. Gives place for two more customers when things get busy. Smart move Ma! You keep up the good work and get me more snacks!
Such was the tension back at the ranch between me and Mega that it gave rise to hostilities between the bro and my Dad too.
The bro was forced to seek peace keeping solutions lest China and India declare war. He went to Walmart and resorted to buying new Nyla bones.
The theory was that I’d have one jaws would have another and there’d be one in reserve.
Forget it. The thing ate a Nyla.
She then struck her incisors into mine. I hoped it might kill her.
Ma took me out for a trot yesterday afternoon. It felt so great. I waltzed along like a real wolfhound, just took it easy and let the wind blow through my hair. It’s so good just being Ma and me. I simply can’t stand having to walk alongside that piece of Pitty.
When we got home the thing had it’s ears pinned back and was looking vexed. So Ma took her out alone too.
She was so pleased with herself she lay down and roared like a dragon when she got back. I tell you no lies when she opens that cavernous crater she calls a mouth you’d think fire was coming from it.
Peace didn’t last long though. When she got her breath back she started teasing me. It’s torture. A man can’t get a moment to just sit and chill.
So I read the riot act.
Put her right back in her place. I’m the numero uno around here! Done deal!
Last night when Ma was sipping her fizz she was watching Dame Mary Berry in a new program on PBS.
It’s about ancient places in the UK and the old families who live there.
I was thinking it might be boring so was getting Mega stirred up until I heard the word scone!
Usually, as you know, I supervise there production on Monday for Ma’s Tearoom.
The scone that Mary was taking about is a big stone. Sometimes Ma’s things turn out like stones too if she forgets the baking powder.
Dad and me and Mega don’t mind. They are still tasty. We smack them up!
Regardless, this big stone at scone is the sacred spot on which kings and queens of England sit when they are crowned.
Imagine that! Maybe why Mary’s getting chummy with the future Queen!
I prefer a softer seat thanks but that Cranachan food they give them afterwards that Mary made might make it worthwhile. Made me very hungry.
Clean got my appetite going it did and made me think maybe Mega could be trained to sit and stay on a stone, preferably about a million miles from here! After all she claims to be a Princess.
Greetings Pitty Peeps. Bet you’ve been hoping it would be your very own Princess publishing today.
I know how much you love me and how boring the old Grey Gizz can be.
This morning in the spirit of charity, wisdom and understanding I am going to say a word of thanks to him even though I know he hates me.
See, even if it’s not official he has been teaching me a few tricks.
These are mostly not innate to my nature but, as an example, thanks to Gizzy I can now “Point”.
I practice this primarily on outing with Ma and Auntie Denise but I’m also using my skills indoors when I sense the deer crossing in the yard or a tufty noshing a nut on the patio.
So now you could say I am Princess Pretty Pitty Pointer! Could come in useful if I ever get more series about my publications and becoming a media star.
I sincerely believe there is a need for a star like me. Dolly Parton can only live so long! Y’all are great but I’m sure the whole world needs Pitty Power.
Kissing the Gizz was not easy but it shows how serious I am about this love lark. Start with your enemies dear peeps smack them a big one on the muzzle this morning.
We’d just got back from our walk this morning and Ma was eating her brekkie and having her second cup of Joe when the monster roared.
We’d been quietly watching the TODAY program and had hit on a new show that Ma thought looked like fun and was planning to watch.
Mega springs at me and then flies past me onto the sofa. She’s like a canine canon ball. Could take you out in a single shot.
From the sofa she takes to barking and teasing me. Pure torture. Just take a look at those teeth. Like something you’d see in one of those dangerous dog documentaries.
I got her in hand quickly though. I’m no cartoon character I’m for real as superheroes go.
Ma was thankful for my diligence in allowing her to catch the end of the segment.
She was disappointed though that this show is only on the streaming service Peacock.
I’m delighted to hear this. Far to many women. Two are more than plenty for me to deal with!
Today I’m philosophizing. So stop now if you’re not into that!
We have these games that sit on the trolley in our dining room. It’s a good place for them because much like the trolley they never are used.
One is the game of LIFE. We’ve never played it. We are always full of good intentions to do that over a holiday weekend but then we all eat too much and fall asleep instead.
There are two dogs on that trolley that are also ornaments. They don’t bark or bite but they remind my Mom of her Granny Barr on a daily basis so they do serve some purpose.
The same might be said for this gigantic pillow the bro bought Dad a few years ago. Dad doesn’t use it at all and it gets in the way of the bro’s sprawl when he’s home but it serves as a good back warmer for me.
So now to the fifty million dollar question.
What is the purpose of the Pitty?
Maybe in Mom’s eye she can be endearing.
In mine she is a waste of space that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I may choose to go to jail if she grows any more.
There again maybe I could get her stuffed and make some money out of her if she reaches her full potential.
See, what happened was that Mega was being particularly obnoxious yesterday evening.
The bro was off work and he and Mom were watching a Netflix about this horrible serial killer. Dad was reading he doesn’t do that sort of serial stuff.
Meg was at my ankles and then my throat and really getting up my nose. I was concentrating on that other evil being.
So when she leapt again I took a go at her and I made a big bobo.
The bro tossed me out to chill in the screened porch. I was nearly overcome with all the pollen from the annuals Ma had just bought. What the heck she needs with all this extra work is beyond me when she could be walking us instead but that’s another story. She’ll be complaining about having to water and that she has to do everything in another week or two!!!
Anyway back to the injury, I am now making amends by tending to the wound.
It is really nasty and I feel bad and sad and know that I was wrong.
Booming Banter 