Today I’m philosophizing. So stop now if you’re not into that!
We have these games that sit on the trolley in our dining room. It’s a good place for them because much like the trolley they never are used.
One is the game of LIFE. We’ve never played it. We are always full of good intentions to do that over a holiday weekend but then we all eat too much and fall asleep instead.
There are two dogs on that trolley that are also ornaments. They don’t bark or bite but they remind my Mom of her Granny Barr on a daily basis so they do serve some purpose.
The same might be said for this gigantic pillow the bro bought Dad a few years ago. Dad doesn’t use it at all and it gets in the way of the bro’s sprawl when he’s home but it serves as a good back warmer for me.
So now to the fifty million dollar question.
What is the purpose of the Pitty?
Maybe in Mom’s eye she can be endearing.
In mine she is a waste of space that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I may choose to go to jail if she grows any more.
There again maybe I could get her stuffed and make some money out of her if she reaches her full potential.
See, what happened was that Mega was being particularly obnoxious yesterday evening.
The bro was off work and he and Mom were watching a Netflix about this horrible serial killer. Dad was reading he doesn’t do that sort of serial stuff.
Meg was at my ankles and then my throat and really getting up my nose. I was concentrating on that other evil being.
So when she leapt again I took a go at her and I made a big bobo.
The bro tossed me out to chill in the screened porch. I was nearly overcome with all the pollen from the annuals Ma had just bought. What the heck she needs with all this extra work is beyond me when she could be walking us instead but that’s another story. She’ll be complaining about having to water and that she has to do everything in another week or two!!!
Anyway back to the injury, I am now making amends by tending to the wound.
It is really nasty and I feel bad and sad and know that I was wrong.
Well as anyone with a titter of wit would know there were going to be consequences of yesterday’s epicurean extravaganza for the Pit.
First, it got my Mom in a mighty mad mood so when we got frisky she tossed us out of the house onto the patio.
We were left to chew things over while Mom got her composure under control.
The “Thing” had the audacity to take my seat and even took to basking in the sun for a while. She was still feeling fine.
After a nap Mom was good again and took us separately for a trot. So our human got her steps in and we got some one on one attention.
I was relaxing for the evening when Godzilla Girl jumps up and races to the back door and starts pawing at it to get out.
Poor Mom had to accommodate the crisis as of course the bro was at work.
I understand from the detailed report given to Dad that there were three explosions. We wondered if we might need to seek medical advice.
Fortunately this happened just before “Call the Midwife” started or murder may have been committed.
On the other hand if it had been in the middle of Midwife I might have been delivered a life of peace and quiet. Instead, who knows how long this little stinker might stick around.
I suppose I will just have to labor on and hope the next episode does her in!
Greetings my passionate Pitty Peeps. I know you’ve been missing me and now I need your help as I am in the deepest of deep dung.
See this morning started out great. Granny’s back is a good deal better so we all got to go out with Auntie Denise for a big walk to the park!
The horsy halter technique is working so well at keeping me in check Granny can hold me with a finger.
She was feeling great as her osmanthus is blooming and the aroma is heavenly.
I behaved like a saint even when I met other dogs who wanted to get up close and personal.
Granny was all smiles and so proud. That should be a warning to all of you as you know Pitty proverbs say « pride comes before a fall ».
Fortunately she didn’t take a tumble. It’s worse.
When we left Denise and just as we passed the last house before home I hit on some material that had been dragged from a ditch.
Granny wasn’t too fussed until the wind blew the smell her way.
Well let me tell you it was delicious. Putrefying perfection! Like something that had died and been rotting for months.
She started screaming said it was unspeakably bad and that I had to spit it out immediately.
Of course I resisted strongly even when she tried to choke me. So she went right into my mouth and yanked it out.
That was just the start of the trouble. She then had to bag it up so I couldn’t retrieve it and she nearly passed out such was the power of the perfume
As soon as we came inside I dove into the water bowl as it was hot as hades. Meanwhile Granny is screaming « Scooby don’t you touch that water » and snatched it away from me. She only ever thinks about « her baby boy »
Next a process of intense sterilization ensues. The bowl is taken to the laundry room and she starts washing her paws and the bowl first with soap and then with bleach and then more soap and then more bleach but she couldn’t get rid of the smell.
By now she is running late for church so she hauls me upstairs to Dad who is snoring and screams at him « your dog is going to be sick » and slams the door.
I understand that she had to wash her hands another half dozen times and rub them with a half bottle of gel sanitizer to get rid of the stink.
Of course when she came home she felt a bit sorry for being so horrible to me since I’m still just a Pretty Pitty Puppy so she gave me some more water after of course the Gizz got his.
To say I now have the breath of a deceased dragon is an underestimation so she hit on an idea. Feed me mint.
So she drags me out to her garden and says “eat”.
Get real Granny!
Not only is this green as grass it smells like something a Pekingese might try but not a Pitty like me.
She pulls a bit and brings it inside to try to trick me that it’s a treat.
Nothing doing for me Granny but guess what old Gizzy he’s game to try. He’s half Poddle you know and such an old goody two shoes. Would do anything to get in Granny’s good book.
So please dear Peeps can you petition the almighty to forgive me and to restore my haleine to its usual kibble qualities as quickly as is Pitty Possible. If you’re not religious just remind Granny God loves me no matter what.
We forgot until Ma came home from work with a new shopping bag.
Seems Meijer was giving them away as a means to minimize the use of plastic bags. Great gift Meijer!
It’s a cool one. Got all the cities in Ohio on it so could serve as a map at a pinch too!
Ma says it’s robust and a perfect size to fold up and put in her purse or handbag as she calls it. As long as she remembers to put a few treats in it too I’ll be happy.
In spite of what I said in my previous epistle she was a bit frazzled last night as she has had such a good week at the Tearoom there has been a scone shortage.
So we had to bake for her full house today. I took my position to supervise.
Being environmentally conscious when we switch on the oven we try to make the most of it so we always make a mini mountain.
Usually this results in one or two « imperfects » or seconds. None of these are lost though.
Mega and I wait for the call to dive into these but yesterday the call didn’t come.
The demon was so disappointed all she got were the sticky bits scraped from the baking tray.
Don’t tell her this was not the case for me I just got my treat from the baking bonanza. Ma cooked the egg she uses for the glaze and kept it for my brekkie.
I’ve just had it with my kibble. Mega would be « green » with envy if she knew. It’s such an honor being an environmental hero!
You might think it’s only humans who feel elated on Friday but you’re wrong.
See the thing is we pets pick up on our peeps moods and it’s hard to make Ma mad on Friday.
Well the demonic does her best but even she has to work at being particularly objectionable to rile her.
This morning Dad had a check up at the hospital at 8:00. That means we had to get up early as you have to be there fifteen minutes before the appointment and it’s half an hour from home. Had this been a Monday Ma would have been snarling but since it’s Friday she just swung into action like she’d had a lie in.
There is no rhyme or reason for this. A days a days a day. You gets your kibble and you does your widdle but if Wrinkle Woman says Fridays are fun we gotta agree. We’re game for any laugh.
What to do but Scooby Doo your brightest and biggest smile and then
you’ll get to ride shotgun with your ancient parents down the River road while the monster still sleeps. Bliss!
Today Her Majesty Queen Elisabeth II turns 96. She’s such an amazing woman. My Ma loves her so much.
Almost as much as she loves her bestie my Auntie Carol who had her birthday yesterday.
The palace website thought it appropriate to release a few pics of her majesty.
One taken recently and another from days gone by.
So not to be outdone by any professional media masters I said to Ma run into your baby book and get a good old pic of Auntie Carol.
We’ll release it in honor of her big day too.
The oldest one we can find dates from Christmas 1962 when Ma was in the business it seems of pulling Auntie Carols hair out in handfuls if she couldn’t get her own way. Ma is the younger of the two you see and very definitely the naughtiest.
They resolved their issues though and remain besties for ever!
There may be hope for me and Megs yet.
As for that other “Meg” in Ma and my opinions as expert royal commentators there is no hope for her or her Harry. They are history!
This is a joint epistle. You might call it a confession. Good for the soul they say. Hope we are both looking suitably contrite.
See what happened was we were out for a walk last Friday morning and we both saw something interesting. On one side there was a white car that is a must chase for me (Scooby) and on the other side a squirrel that is irresistible to those who are half starved (Nala).
So one of us pulled one way and the other one pulled the other way and we did Wrinkle Woman’s back in.
She’s a wreck! Walking like she’s made of stone.
Result is she has to take us out separately as it’s still hurting especially when she has to pick up poop. She’s having to squat down to get it rather than bend over. That makes her more unstable so she can’t hold us both and do the collection.
We are sorry, at least we’re pretending to be sorry, that we caused such disruption but every cloud has a silver lining. We get one on one personal attention PLUS……
Auntie Denise has swung into action and has come up with a new way for us to put on our leash so we never hurt Wrinkle Woman again.
It’s a sort of wrap around the belly with a twist type of affair that she uses with horses but we’re in compliance so as not to upset Wrinkly any more at this point. There’s only so much time out we two can take especially when it has to be spent together.
When WW is back to normal we’ll yank her apart once more.
Hope you all had a great Easter. Here it was beautiful except for the freezing cold. The temperature was lower than Christmas Day! So good for appetite though!
We started with a brilliant big moon and then a fine trot.
Dad got all dressed up in his best suit for the first time in ages and looked really good. I told him he was handsome so he gave me cookies! They don’t call me Smart move Scoob for nothing!
We had to have our celebrations early as the bro was working at 3:00. We ate so much at our lunch that our tummies hurt. Of course Mega does this every day so she recovered fast.
When the bro took off we all had a good snooze and then Ma walked us some more so we had room to squeeze in supper.
Being a big Jane Austen fan Ma was thrilled to have the BBCs Mansfield Park from 1983 on PBS. She said she remembers watching it with Auntie Carol when they were “young”
Mega and I found all that period stuff a bit boring so we played soldiers. She watched the back window and I watched the front and we barked at ever walker or biker that passed.
Dad screamed at us and then Ma screamed at him to be quiet so she could hear her drama.
By the time Call The Midwife came on we were all hoarse.
It was very sad this week but still it did make a fine end to a lovely day.
Booming Banter 